About-L

Love, Lust, Life, Liberty, Leisure, Luxury and lots of other things from Leo

About Lust – and dating apps

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Ok not all dating apps are the same but swiping right(like) or left(not like) on the majority of dating app is (let’s face it) based on only 1 of 5 senses. Truth to be told, not only is only 1 sense we use on dating app (sight) but also probably the most manipulated one too.

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So people chat chat but do they meet?

In the end even if you have dozens of matches on your Tinder(or other) profile how long is your day to chat with all of them for weeks ? How many of you matches do you actually decide to meet?

Psychology Today says

..more than one-third of all people who use online dating sites have never actually gone on a date Ryan Anderson – Psychology Today

A study by MarketWatch.com did a social experiment on what a month on Tinder is really like

The results: 53 matches, including 38 people he began talking to on WhatsApp — a separate app owned by Facebook  — and 12 who “ghosted” or never replied. Of the 38 people he spoke with, nine agreed to a date, three stood him up, and two cancelled, leaving him with four actual dates.Kari Paul – MarketWatch.com

Read the full article : here

What works and what does not?

I can speak from a men perspective of course but it’s very personal. Trying to be who you are NOT is generally a bad idea. Being decisive and proposing a time and place for an actual date (in my experience) is always well perceived even if the place you chose might not be her favourite. Men that know what to do and have a well defined idea for their prospective date are perceived as resolute and masculine. Open up! If you can if you share something very personal you prospective date will understand that you are really communicating who you are and want her/him to know who you really are.

Listening

Getting to know a person is not about marketing yourself listening is getting out fashion but asking the right question and actually listening to the answer is an incredibly valuable thing to do. I like to ask a simple question which says a lot about the person and that is:

If you didn’t have to work at all for a living what would you get out of bed for ? What would drive you to get off of bed in the morning?

Another good and yet simple question to ask is What is your passion ? You’ll be surprised how a lot of people even over 30 will answer they do not know.

The psychological factors

Psychology Today wrote a very interesting article in 2016 (Article here). Already a couple of years ago the question was already there is convenience subtly substituting quality of relationships.

Would you trade one of your best friends in exchange for 10 acquaintances that could potentially become friends ? I really don’t think I would.

That’s the root of the problem we give much less chances to people to show us who they are because we ‘think’ we have another bucket of them that could be better but are they ? Or worse we have a mental list of the ideal person and right at the first interaction we start to boxes not ticked.

In the UK it happened to me that after an interesting conversation a lady would not take a date assuming she would be taller than me on heals and that would embarrass me or that would undermine my self confidence, had we met in real life she would have hardly felt the same way… she was missing her perception on 4 more senses….

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